


Memories in reverse

by Gaia_bing



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Break Up, Divorce, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Lack of Communication, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Married Life, Or should we say Happy Beginning, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Reverse Chronology, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 05:21:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11937174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaia_bing/pseuds/Gaia_bing
Summary: A love story, told backwards.





	1. The warehouse

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm going for a different kind of structure when it comes to this particular story. I'm gonna post the epilogue to my other fic tomorrow night but for now, please enjoy this brand new story. :)

In a warehouse at the corner of Broadway and 42nd street, stood maybe three or fours different every large lockers, all of them made for storage.

  
In one of these particular lockers, just a little bit after midnight, two formerly broken souls returned to each other once more.

"I missed you." Steve said, tightening his arms around his ex-husband.

  
"I missed you too." James replied, closing his eyes and enjoying the peaceful moment between the two of them.

  
Re-opening his eyes, the long-haired man took a glance around. "I can't believe we just had some crazy, dirty, impromptu sex." he observed.

  
Looking down at their now au-naturel and sweaty states, Steve couldn't help but agree. "Yeah, well, you're the one who's always wanted us to be more adventurous in the bedroom, remember?"

  
James let out a chuckle and playfully slapped the hand that wasn't intertwined with his own. "In the bedroom, Steve, not outside of it!" Smiling at the other man's laughter, he leaned his head back against the other man and breathed: "And on top of that, I wanted us to be more adventurous when we were _still_ married. Not two years after the divorce."

  
Steve's face turned into a curious frown. "So, what made you change your mind then?" he dared to ask.

  
Turning his head, James stared long and deep into Steve's eyes before responding with a slight smile: "Oh, I don't know. Seeing you at the bar, with your old leather jacket on..."

  
Steve smirked as he added: "And you bending over like that while you were playing pool..."

  
James' own grin widened at that. "Well, a man can only take so much before taking the first step and letting the one he's after know exactly what he wants." he replied, lightly licking his lips.

  
Steve's eyes widened. "So it wasn't my imagination then? You were really doing that on purpose just for me?"

  
Taking his ex-husband's face inside his hands, James let out a sigh just before giving the one that was holding him a filthy kiss, all tongue and teeth...

  
"Just for you." he whispered against the tempting mouth, before diving back once more.

  
Steve reciprocated the kiss in kind, giving just as much as he was receiving.

  
When at last, they separated, both heaving for oxygen, dilated pupils staring at each other in pure lust, James was the one that decided to address the elephant in the room by saying:

  
"So, what do we do now?"

  
Steve wiggled his eyebrows and responded: "Oh, well, I had the impression from the making out that we just did that round two of crazy, dirty, impromptu sex was in the cards..."

  
James shook his head and disentangled himself from his ex-husband's embrace. "I'm serious, Steve." Sitting right next to the other man, he never took his eyes off the one he'd once called his husband as he said: "We don't see each other for two whole years, we meet up at a bar right out of the blue and then the next thing we know... BAM! Warehouse sex.

I mean, can we really go our separate ways after that and pretend none of this ever happened? And what if we get back together, what then? What if we break-up again an hour from now? Or tomorrow? Or next week? Or next month? Or next year? Or..."

  
Steve was quick to silence the other man's rambling by putting a finger on his soft lips. "Hey, none of that. At least, not anymore, okay? Why don't we just take it one moment at a time and see where the stream leads us, okay?" he offered with a gentle voice.

  
James blinked a couple of times before replying with a blank face: "Really? _You_ 're the one using that sentence on _me_ now?"

  
This made Steve smile once more. "What can I say, you've always seemed to rub a part of yourself all over me, even when it came to these kind of things."

  
And that made the lust return to James' eyes once more. "Oh, I'll show you some rubbing, alright..."

 

And, in the middle of round four of crazy, dirty, impromptu sex, inside the warehouse that held so many memories of their life together, James finally let the stream lead him once more:

  
"I love you, Steve." he whispered into the night air.

  
The man laying below him smiled softly: "I love you too, Jam-"

  
"Bucky, please. Call me Bucky." the long-haired man pleaded in a longing voice.

  
Steve was the one now cradling his lover's face inside his large hands as he whispered in the most fond voice:

  
"I love you too, Bucky."

  
And Bucky's lips returned to his lover's once more, the both of them taking the next moment...

 

Hell, the next lifetime,

  
_Together._


	2. The leather jacket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Had it always been like this between them, or was this whole thing something new altogether?

It was a very tiny bar, really. The only sources of entertainment there as small pool table and a jukebox that played some old rock songs. Well at least, when it actually wanted to work it did just that.

  
In fact, it was playing a very familiar [tune](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSAow-RRQuI) when Steve stepped into the place, good old leather jacket over his shoulders just like promised and he took a look around to see if his friend had already arrived.

  
His eyes was giving his surroundings a good looksie when a familiar back and familiar long dark hair made him freeze and his breath catch in his throat.

  
_"James?_ "

  
The man in question turned around and sure enough, wearing the eyeliner he himself had promised to wear...

 

_"Steve?"_

 

They were both looking at one another in complete confusion and asking themselves the same kind of question:

  
_Where was Natasha?_

  
_Where was Sam?_

  
But in that instant, their faces illuminating into beaming smiles...

  
"Hey!"

  
"Hi!"

  
Neither really cared that their promised companion for the night weren't there at this particular moment.

  
They hugged like they were old friends and had seen each other just the other week and not a divorced couple that hadn't seen one another for a very long time.

  
"Wow, how long as it been?" James asked as the two of them separated.

  
"One, maybe two years." Steve responded. Tapping his ex-husband on the arm in a seemingly friendly way, he commented: "And you still look great."

  
And James couldn't help but respond: "Ah well, I was about to say the same thing. But you actually look much better than the last time that I saw you."

  
This made Steve duck his head and James blink for a moment or two.

  
Had...had they both just flirted just now, merely minuted into seeing one another after so long?

  
Coughing to try to dispel the sudden tension between the two of them, Steve looked back up and offered: "Hey, I don't know about you, but I really, _really_ want a beer. Can I pay you one?"

  
And this made James' smile reappear on his lips as he challenged: "Only if you let us catch up and you let me kick your ass at pool."

  
"Oh, you're so _on_ , buddy." responded Steve's competitive side, making the other man laugh and let him lead the way.

  
*******************

  
Everything felt like the good old days.

  
They were chatting, they were laughing, they were even singing a bit to the tunes that were playing on the old jukebox.  
Everything felt old.

  
But yet...

  
...since when Steve's eyes had looked so gorgeous, so sparkling and so carefree?

  
And since when had James looked so mature, so sure of himself and what he wanted in his life?

  
It felt like rediscovering the one person you've known your whole life,

  
It felt like falling in love all over again, or maybe realizing that the love had never really gone away,

  
And, as James enticingly bent over the pool table (Was he doing this on purpose?) to take his turn at their ongoing game,

Steve thought to himself:

  
It was really, _really_ getting hot in here.

  
Putting his half-ended beer bottle on the end of the table sitting next to him, Steve took off his leather jacket to get some cool air back onto his body (damn James for making him so sweaty), and prepared to take his own shot...

  
And _BOOM!_ went the little white ball over the large purple ball to hit the large black ball into the hole.

  
"Ha! Would you look at that? Even seven years after college I still can kick your ass at any sports!" Steve proudly exclaimed,throwing his arms in the air in a celebratory fashion, making James cackle.

  
Their eyes met for a second there.

  
And they both felt it:

  
The shiver,

  
The spark,

  
The endless fire,

  
The final sign to where this night was always going to end up.

  
James's chortling deemed to a gentle smile and Steve put his arms back down and his leather jacket back on.

  
"Would you like to go get a cigarette?" simply asked James.

  
"Sure." simply replied Steve.

  
They both left the bar,

  
Their eyes never leaving the other.

  
*******************

  
They didn't know how long they'd been standing there, the pink and purple neon sign of the bar illuminating their features, but once again...

  
Neither James, who was too busy feeling Steve's abs under his unbelievably thin black shirt,

  
Nor Steve, who whose own hands were too occupied running through James' still luscious hair,

  
Really seemed to care.

  
And what did their lips, their tongues, their teeth, their fingers, their dicks,

  
Hell, their entire bodies really, _really_ wanted this instant?

  
"Your place or my place?" breathed James, as if separating his mouth from the other man's even for a second was pure torture.

  
Steve shook his head. "They're too far, they're both **damn** too _far_." He scooped back down for another dose of that glorious tongue that he'd missed so much just as James leaned back up to get his fix of those magnificent lips he know knew he just couldn't live without.

  
Gripping a stack of keys in his left hand, Steve at last separated the two of them as he whispered: "Come on, I know a place just down the street that's perfect."

  
And grabbing the other man's unoccupied hand, James unhesitatingly followed to a motorcycle he hadn't seen in a very long time, put on a helmet he'd worn in what seemed like forever and wrapping his arms tightly around Steve's waist as the blond man started the engine with a smile...

  
Nothing felt as everlasting as the connection they both still felt, hell had _always_ both still felt inside their rapidly beating hearts.


	3. The motorcycle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So what happened in the two years that Steve and James were apart? Well...

James spent the first couple of days after the divorce papers were signed locked up in his old bedroom. He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, he barely couldn't do anything but sit there, staring through the old window where Steve'd sneak up from time to time back in the day, when everything was less complicated, when everything was less disheartening, when everything...

  
_When everything just didn't fucking hurt whenever he thought about it_ , James thought to himself as he sniffed for what seemed like the thousand times in the past couple of hours and wiped at his eyes for what seemed like the millionth times in the past couple of days.

  
But, he knew he'd gone back home for a reason, and fortunately, by day six of his moping, thanks to the prying of his mother and the constant poking of his sister, James finally got out of his old bedroom and for the first time, had to face a life without Steve.

  
He helped out in the grand family garden, sneakily eating some leftover vegetables here and there. He played with dear old Bessie, who even though had already passed the elderly years of a human life, was still a very rambunctious dog. He helped out his sister in her different college courses however he could.

  
And most of all, little by little...

  
He began to smile...

 

He began to laugh...

  
And five months after appearing on his mother's porch, miserable as hell and trying desperately not to lose it right there on the wooden steps, James rented a small apartment just one block away from the family home and this was where he met roommate: a feisty petite woman by the name of Natasha.

  
Whom, thanks to her uncanny ability to spot where the most potential out of a person lies even without the person in question consciously realizing it, after hearing about and checking out James's work on Becca's different data processing homework, helped her roommate get an internship where she herself had been working for the past six years: Tony Stark Comm. Industries.

  
And James just knew he had found his calling the minute he began to work there.

  
The computers that he'd always loved to work )or play) with, the people that he'd always loved to help out, the friends that he made along the way, it was everything he'd been looking for in a job but didn't know he'd always wanted.

  
And sure enough, with the stability he'd always craved and was now inside the palms of his hands, James began to change.

He became more mature, more pragmatic, knew what he wanted in life, but also didn't lose that good ole' charm that made girls fall off their chairs and boys smile just a little bit more wider whenever he passed by them.

  
And speaking of his love life...

  
"You really think this is a good idea?" James said while standing in front of his bathroom mirror, unsure of what the hell he was doing.

  
Natasha giggled at him over the phone. "Of course it is! Listen, James, I know you haven't been dating for a very long time, but you need to get yourself back out there! Play the field! See how's the grass been doing ever since you stopped looking at it, 'know what I mean?"

  
James let out a long sigh. Could he really do this? Date another person when his heart had always belonged and despite everything that had happened, _still_ belonged to the same person all of his life?

  
"So, did you do it? Did you put the eyeliner like I told you to?" Natasha's question halted his drifting thoughts.  
The man in question took a good long look at himself. The blue of his eyes really _did_ pop out like this, he thought to himself.

  
"Yeah, yeah. I did it." he finally responded his roommate through his cellphone.

  
"So, _"Rainbow Road"_ , that's what the place called?" he asked, checking _Google Maps_ to see if he got the address right.

  
Natasha smiled from her end of the line. "Yeah and don't be late, alright? You know I hate 'tardies." she replied.

  
James grabbed his keys and said: "Alright, see you there." And with that, he ended the call, dialed up a taxi and steeled himself.

  
He could do this.

  
He could go to a bar, have some beer, play some pool and maybe, just maybe...

  
He could meet a person that wasn't Steve.

  
He could kiss a person that wasn't Steve.

  
He could have sex to a person that wasn't Steve.

  
He could maybe..

.  
Maybe he could even...

  
_Love_ a person that _wasn't_ Steve,

  
And live the rest of his life without Steve.

  
He'd learned to do so for the past couple of years, so what was really the next couple of _decades_ , when he really thought about it?

  
So then, as he stepped inside the cab and the vehicle took off to its late night destination...

  
Why did the bile rise in the back of his throat when he thought about doing all of that with a person that wasn't his ex-husband?

  
*******************

  
Steve for his part, just had to leave. Leave Brooklyn, leave New York, leave everything that reminded him what he'd broken and what had broken him, even if it was just for a little while.

  
He took out his old motorcycle, the one he hadn't used since his last day of school, and just drove, drove, and drove.  
He only brought two things with him:

  
His old camera and his mother's ashes.

  
His old camera he used to capture everywhere he went on his small road-trip.

  
From the Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh,

  
To the Gateway Arch in Saint-Louis.

 

And what about his mother's ashes?

  
He spread them into the wind at his ultimate destination:

  
The Grand Canyon.

  
"I love you, mom. Thanks for all the great times we had together and I'm sorry if you've ever been disappointed in me. I've always tried my best, even if my best ended with me being here like this..." he said into the setting sun as he watched the grayish mater gently float away.

  
And, after sitting down on the old brown rocks just as the first stars appeared in the now dark sky, Steve allowed himself the one thing he hadn't allowed himself to do ever since he'd seen his mother collapse right in front of him:

  
He wept.

  
He wept for his mom's death,

  
He wept for his broken marriage,

  
And most of all, he wept for the fucking mess that had become his entire life for the past couple of years.

  
Finally, seemingly having evacuated every tears that he had in his entire body,

  
Steve closed the small golden urn,

  
Put it on the back of his old motorcycle,

  
And drove back the same way that he went.

 

But he didn't go back to New York, he just couldn't. At least, not yet.

  
His road-trip back ended up in Washington, DC, where he met a seemingly godsend, one Sam Wilson, who became his roommate and part-time counselor for the next year or so.

  
With the help of the other man, Steve began to reorganize his life.

  
He began to eat more substantially, regaining all the weight and muscles that he'd lost ever since the news of his mother's sickness fell to his ears.

  
He began to realize that more hours didn't necessarily mean more money and more money didn't necessarily mean more happiness.

  
And that happiness came partially from doing something that you enjoyed doing, not something that you _had_ to do.

  
Therefore, he let his boss at his old hospital job know that he was giving him his two weeks-notice, applied to be a photograph at a travel magazine after the man leading the whole thing, an eye-patched guy named Nick Fury, let him know that he was impressed by everything the blond had took during his two-way trip across the South-East of North America.

  
And so, two years after leaving New York, Steve gladly found himself being reassigned to the _Avengers Magazine_ office there, inside a brand new apartment, along with his now best buddy Sam...

Who was really, _really_ bugging the hell out of him right now.

  
"Come on, Steve! It'll be fun! There's an old jukebox that plays all those crappy love songs that you love and there's a pool table, a freakin' pool table!" the man in question was pleading to him over the phone.

  
"Hey! My old love songs aren't crappy, alright? And for the last time, I just wanna sit in the couch and watch some TV." tried Steve on his end of the line, but his roommate was having none of it.

  
"Oh, please, you always wanna do that when I suggest we go out. Please, just this one time, just for me?" asked Sam in a whining voice.

  
Steve sighed and laid his head back on the end of his and Sam's couch. The other man just knew how to play with his buttons.

  
"...Alright, fine. I'm giving this place of yours one hour and if I'm bored at the end of that hour I'm getting the hell out of it. Deal?"

  
Sam smiled to himself. "Deal. Now get your lazy ass over here and come and meet some new people!"

  
Steve, who'd begun standing up and putting on the leather jacket he'd just gotten out of storage, suddenly froze.

  
Meet...meet new people?

 

Sure, he had changed and no longer felt the burden he'd been carrying for such a long time, but deep down he'd known why he'd always passed every chance to go out with Sam...

 

He knew that despite everything, his heart had always and _would_ always beat for James.

 

Could he really do this...

  
Meet someone other than James?

  
Date someone other than James?

  
Maybe even...

 

Maybe he could...

 

 _Love_ someone _other_ than James?

  
But Steve took a long look inside the living-room mirror and readied himself.

  
If he'd able to live the past two years without James, he could do so for the rest of his life.

  
His head was back in the right place, his body was looking better than ever.

  
...he could get back out there,

  
Play the field,

  
See how's the grass had been when he hadn't been looking.

  
But then,

  
As he got on his motorcycle and started the engine to go to this _"Rainbow Road"_ place Sam had talked to him so much about,

  
Why did he feel his stomach getting tied-up in knots just at the thought of doing all these things with someone other than his ex-husband?

 

*******************

  
Sam grinned at his guest when his phone call ended.

  
"So, do you think that our magic is going to work?" the woman he was sitting down with asked with a smirk of her own.

  
"Oh yeah. All Steve needed was a little bit of time to get his priorities straight." he said as he took his whisky glass.

  
"And all James needed was a little push to realize what he really wanted in his life." Natasha responded, with a gin glass inside her own hand.

  
They held up their upper arms inside the New Jersey restaurant that they were busy eating and toasted:

  
_"To love,_

  
_To matchmaking,_

  
_And to two idiots realizing that their hearts and souls always belonged together, even when their minds stopped doing it."_

  
They clinked their glasses together.


	4. The papers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The divorce is finalized.

James moved into the guestroom the morning after he and Steve had their big talk, the one that had sealed their fate and where they both realized that whatever their marriage had become, wasn't worth fighting for.

At least, not anymore.

  
They avoided each other as much as they could, Steve working at the hospital mostly in the evenings, while James kept busy playing his old computer games and tending at his cashier during the day, while the other man was busy recuperating from his late-night shifts deeply asleep.

 

And they both kept telling themselves to get going through the day ahead: _"Everything's okay. I'm okay, I'm okay."_

  
The papers came a month after their separation and both James and Steve sorrowfully put a check-mark under the words that now represented the death chime of their relationship:

  
**"Irreconcilable differences"**.

  
And so, this was how Steve Grant Rogers-Barnes once again became just Steve Rogers,

  
And this was how James Buchannan Barnes-Rogers once again became just James Barnes.

  
***************************

  
"So, this is the last of it?" asked Steve, grunting after he pushed the small cupboard that had been inside their kitchen for so long, but was now a temporary resident inside a warehouse standing at the corner of Broadway and 42nd street along with all the things and furniture that both Steve and James intended to keep for a later separate use inside their future separate homes.

  
James looked down at the cemented ground of the place as he responded back with a sigh "Yes, that's pretty much it."

He raised his head back up just as the man in front of him turned his own around.

  
They each looked at everything residing inside the warehouse one last time.

  
All these things...

  
If you counted out their own personal stuff, the ones that they bought, shared and owned together...

  
These things weren't memories anymore, at least not to them.

  
They were just objects that represented a failed marriage,

  
A broken relationship,

  
A love that would never be again.

  
These things were either going to be future scrap residents or garage sales occupants, that was for sure.

  
Steve closed the huge door as the pair finally walked out of the small building.

  
They looked at each other in one, tense moment.

  
They were doing the right thing...right?

 

The huge gap that existed between the two of them could never be filled up again...right?

 

They didn't feel anything positive for each other anymore, especially _love_...right?

  
So why, they each asked themselves, did it hurt like a _bitch_ every time they even _looked_ at one another?

  
"You take care of yourself, Steve." James whispered, wrapping his arms around himself after an insufferable moment of silence.

  
"You too, James." replied Steve, trying to force an encouraging smile upon his lips, but only getting half-way there.

  
These were the last words that they spoke to one another, before the now divorced pair finally went their separate ways, never once looking back,

  
But both very _desperately_   wanting to.

  
********************

  
Winifred Barnes was surprised when she heard a knock at her door just after ten o'clock a late Friday night.

  
_"That's funny,"_ she thought to herself. _"I thought Rebecca was supposed to arrive tomorrow afternoon."_

  
Curious, she went to open the front door of her centennial house.

  
And got the surprise of her life when she saw her darling boy standing in front of her, multiple small bags and a large suitcase inside his hands.

  
"Bucky? Are you okay?" she asked like the worried mother she instantly turned into.

  
And James, hearing the one nickname he'd so often heard the one that was still the other half of his soul call him and knowing he'd never hear the other man call him that way again because he'd made it so, finally conceded the one truth he'd refused to admit ever since his and Steve's relationship had been at death's door:

  
"No, I'm _not_ okay. Everything's _not_ okay."

  
And, for the first time sine he'd noticed that his marriage with Steve was going haywire, James "Bucky" Barnes allowed himself to cry, burying himself into the warm embrace of his dear mother's arms.

  
********************

  
As for Steve, he just sat there, in his old empty house.

  
The one that he'd formerly shared with the one that was still the other half of his heart.

  
He took a good look at himself...

  
At his now almost-skeletal body.

  
...how long had it been like this?

  
Since the divorce was finalized?

  
Since his mother died?

  
Or had it been even before that?

  
How long had he stopped taking care of his health?

  
How long had he put work first and everything else second?

  
How long had he lost himself?

  
Raising himself from off the wooden floor of his former home, Steve Rogers came to a decision:

  
He needed to get the hell away from everything.

  
And _now_.


	5. The rattle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you put a simple band-aid on a gunshot wound,
> 
> Sooner or later...

Things began to get into motion really, really fast.

  
...all little bit _too_ fast, if Bucky admitted it to himself.

  
Inside the three months that he and Steve had decided to have a baby together:

  
Steve's sometimes home office had already been turned into a small bedroom, complete with a crib, a mobile, pink and blue repainted walls,

  
A highchair was already cozily resting in the kitchen,

  
A stroller and a baby seat were ready to be installed in the car,

  
And all of that didn't include the dozens of different brochures, the multitudes of pink and blue baby clothes, countless after countless boxes of diapers, what seemed like hundreds of baby toys for all the ages that their future child would grow into,

  
All littering the different floors of the house.

  
That had all been Steve's part of the deal, who dove head first into the project almost the second they'd made the decision.

  
It was all that he could talk about, day in and day out.

  
He already knew what name he or she would have,

  
He already knew which High School he or she would attend,

  
He even already knew what names he'd suggest when he or she would have children of their _own_ , for goodness' sake!

 

And as for Bucky's part of the deal?

  
Even three months later, he'd done exactly two things:

  
**Jack** and **Shit**.

If the married couple wanted to get on the same wavelength once again and settle whatever problems had been going on between the two of them for what seemed like an eternity, thanks to this project of theirs, they really were starting on the wrong foot.

  
But really, can you start on any kind of good feet when what this whole thing equated to was pretty much putting a band-aid on a gushing bullet wound?

  
And, as it is with any kind of grave injury on a body, or most precisely, thousands of little tiny cracks on a what had been once an extremely sturdy structure...

  
When the final blow comes...

  
***************

  
Steve was tapping his foot and crossing his thin arms inside the kitchen, awaiting for his husband.

  
Six o'clock... where was Bucky?

  
They were supposed to be out the door over an hour ago!

  
What the hell were they going to do if they ended missing their appointment?

  
They couldn't possibly-

  
The turning of a key inside the lock brought Steve out of his thoughts...

  
And into a rage once more when he noticed his husband in full sports gear, holding a basketball inside his hands.

 

"Where the _hell_ have you been?!" was all he could get out.

  
Bucky's former happy mood immediately soured as he sighed and dropped the ball onto a nearby chair.

  
"I'm sorry, okay? Some of the guys from the coffee shop wanted to go to the park after work and the next thing I knew, there was a full basketball game going on. And you know how I get when it comes to games..." he tried to explain as he grabbed a cold bottle of water out of the fridge, downed a good sip and sat right next to where his ball was resting.

  
But his husband was having none of it.

  
"Oh yeah? Well, thanks to that little trek in the park of yours, we won't be able to get to the van dealer until late next week!" Steve seethed as he began the walk from left to right in front of his husband.

  
Bucky looked confusedly at his husband. "Why the hell would we need to get to a van dealer? Our car's still in pretty good shape, right?" he asked.

  
"Yeah, maybe. But we need a brand new van now because all five of us are definitely not going to fit inside." Steve answered, dropping his hands to his sides with a loud thump.

  
That right there rang out a set of alarm bells inside Bucky's head.

  
He stood up from his seat. "Whoa, whoa, whoa...all _five_ of us? Who the hell are the five of us that you're talking about, here?" he asked.

  
"Well, you, me, and our three kids, duh!" Steve explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

  
Bucky blinked once, twice and then a third time...

  
And finally _snapped_.

  
"Are your _fucking_ crazy!? We decided to have a kid only three months ago, we haven't even told anybody about it yet and you're already decided on baby number three?! Have you finally gone completely _bonkers_ , Steve?!?!" he exclaimed, exasperated.

  
But Steve stood his ground.

  
"Hey! At least I'm doing something to process things along. You're always out doing some other stuff and you never even _once_ tried to help me out when it came to this particular subject."

  
"Yeah well, you've never looked like you needed any kind of help with all that crap that you already bought and all those stupid ideas that you keep having!" Bucky countered.

  
"I'm buying this "crap" and having those "stupid ideas" because I'm thinking about our future together, Buck!" Steve exclaimed, throwing his hands up, exasperated.

  
"Well if you could just stop thinking so damn ahead every once in a while, whether it's about having a kid or about bringing in the most money with all these goddamn hours that you keep working on and on and on, you could see that in the present, that's right now by the way, I'm really not too keen about having a so-called future with you!" Bucky practically shouted.

  
"And if you could just stick your head our of your stupid games every once in a while and be as mature as you're supposed to be at your age, you'd probably have noticed by now that the future that I'm trying to build here hasn't really featured and probably won't feature you in it!" Steve practically shouted right back.

 

They both heaved out loud, feeling all at once the impact of the other's lethal words.

 

"Your...your future doesn't feature me?" finally asked Bucky, in a smaller and almost scared voice.

  
"You...you don't want a future with me?" replied Steve, in the same manner.

 

They looked at one another and they...

 

They both didn't really know _anything_ anymore.

  
They leaned their backs on opposite walls of the kitchen, wrapping their arms around themselves.

  
"I thought that maybe planning the arrival of a baby would help me take my thoughts away from my mother." Steve finally admitted, shrugging his shoulders, looking down at the floor."

  
"And I thought that maybe having a kid would somehow fix whatever's wrong between us." Bucky admitted right back, also looking downwards.

  
Steve was the once to first raise his head back up as he responded:

  
"But you and I both know that even if we get _eighty_ kids together right now..."

  
Bucky finished as he too raised his head:

  
"Whatever's wrong between us has passed the point of being able to be fixed a _long_ time ago."

  
A long silence, this one heavy, passed.

 

"I'm sorry, Steve." the long-haired man finally said.

  
"I'm sorry too, Bucky." the short-haired man responded.

  
"I'm...just... call me James from now on, alright?" could only ask the man in question.

 

And that right there broke Steve's already fragile heart even more.

  
"Fine... _James_." he finally conceded with a sad sigh.

 

They could only stare at one another,

  
Every negative emotions clouding what had once been a wonderful, sunny love inside their hearts.

 

As it was said before...

  
When the final blow comes,

  
All there is left is ashes and dust as proof of what had been a once great work of art.

 

And so, as the once happy couple left the kitchen separately that night,

  
They both realized that what they'd thought had been a sound structure of a relationship,

  
Had now been reduced to tiny bits of rubble on the floor.


	6. The medical gloves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah Roger's death knell also became Steve and Bucky's marriage death knell. 
> 
> Unless...

If things between Steve and Bucky had been bad before,

  
When Sarah Roger's rapidly advancing cancer struck the poor woman and her son became aware of it, they became even _worse._

  
Steve would spend all of his daytime sitting by her side and would spend all of his nighttime getting himself swamped into work even more than before, to try and take his thoughts away from the dying woman, his self-destructive behavior and his wobbly marriage.

  
He never once tried to talk about it all, never once tried to be angry about it all and most damaging...

  
He never once tried to cry about it all.

  
He became a shadow of his former self,

  
An almost never-eating, never-sleeping shadow of his former self.

  
And Bucky, on the other hand?

  
He'd tried to be the supportive husband, he'd really had. But how can you really support someone who'd shut everything and everyone out, including the one that he'd supposedly loved the most?

  
And so, if Steve buried himself into his work to take away the pain of it all, Bucky found his own comfort food: his old and even some brand new computer games:

  
_Diablo I, II, III,_

  
_Counter Strike,_

  
_Starcraft,_

  
_League of Legends,_

  
_Heroes of the Storm,_

  
The list went on and on.

  
And while they might have been fun to play with,

  
They certainly didn't help things.

  
In the three-hundred-and-sixty-eight days between Sarah Roger's cancer diagnostic and her untimely death at the age of only fifty one years old, Steve and Bucky had gone from almost acquaintances to become complete strangers to one another.

They didn't talk together like they used to, they didn't hang out together like they used to...

  
They didn't even make love like they used to, even for a couple of minutes.

  
No, the warmth that had existed between the two of them, even when it had been into tiny bursts, was on its way to go onto the extinct list.

  
Until....

 

***********************

The memorial had been a beautiful thing. Classy, decorated with flowers and peppered with emotional testimonies. Steve was staring by the window, still as stone-faced as ever, when his husband approached him from behind.

Maybe now that his mother was at peace, Steve would open himself up again and finally let himself fully grieve for what had happened.

And so, for the first time since the diagnosis, Bucky tried:

"Steve, are you..."

And Steve's immediate response?

An immediate turn-around and an emotional (and quite unexpected) plea:

 

_"Let's have a kid."_

 

Bucky reared his body back. Of all the things he'd expected his husband to say in this moment, this was _definitely_ not one of them.

  
_"What?"_ he asked, now completely confused.

  
"Please? I don't care how we do it: adoption, surrogate, foster care, whatever, just, please..." Steve said, and for the first time in what seemed forever, tears appeared inside his eyes.

  
"...Okay." was all Bucky could answer to this situation.

  
Steve blinked. "Really?"

  
Bucky faintly smiled at Steve's child-like look upon his face. His gorgeous, wonderful face. They hadn't been this close and hadn't talked this much in an eternity.

  
He threw his arms around his husband and nodded his head: "Yeah, really."

  
Maybe this was the key to bring them to where they'd once been. Maybe this was the bridge they needed to close the enormous canyon that had appeared between the two of them. Maybe this would help repair the fissures that had begun to appear in their relationship almost the second after they'd moved inside their house.

  
And maybe, as Steve smashed his lips into his own and reignited a fire that had been surviving on simmering embers for so long now,

  
Maybe their marriage could be saved after all with the help of this brand new project.


	7. The house keys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The problems between Steve and Bucky continue...

While Steve had always seemed certain at what he'd wanted to do with is life, having an MD inside his pockets and a well-paid hospital job proving just that,

  
For Bucky, on the other hand...

  
_"Hmm, concierge? No. Door-to-door salesman? No way... Window Cleaner?...?"_

  
"What'cha doing, big bro?" asked his sister, coming down the stairs and joining him at the breakfast table.

  
Bucky was at his mother's house, just like he'd been doing so once every month every since he'd moved out of the place a few years back.

  
"Oh, just looking at different jobs applications in the 'paper, that's all." the long-haired man answered Becca Barnes as she sat down right next to him.

  
"Really? Well, what do ya got so far?" she asked as she took an apple out of the bowl at the center of the table and happily took a huge bite out of it.

  
Bucky sighed as he threw the newspaper on the third unoccupied kitchen chair that he'd been using at a footstool. "Bleh. Nothing interesting. I've been out of college for over five months and I still have no idea where to apply for a stupid job."

  
This was the perfect cue for one Winifred Barnes to make her timely entrance.

  
"Well, if you'd listen to me when you first got into college and had specialized in something when it came to your degree, you wouldn't be having this problem, now, would you?" she exclaimed, making her son drop his head onto the back of his chair, sighing as he listened to his dear mother's usual work spiel.

  
He was about to let her kind, but repetitive words enter one side of his head and leave out the other, when he heard a part of her speech that seemed to be interesting for once:

  
"...you know, my friend Beatrice has a nephew that's just found a job at this new coffeehouse that opened about a month ago and they've been looking for people with some good dexterity and social skills."

Bucky slowly smiled.

  
He did have some good dexterity and he did have social skills.

  
He turned his head towards the woman he'd be eternally grateful for.

  
_"How do I apply?"_

  
***********************

  
And so, Bucky Barnes finally found a job at the small coffeehouse about twenty minutes of where he and his husband were living.

  
And sure, the salary between being a cashier and being a doctor couldn't even begin to compare, but it was still something.

 

He was actually beginning to think ahead now, just like Steve had always done.

  
Speaking of his husband, a familiar pair of lips began to travel upon the back of his neck, a warm breath passed by his ear and a husky voice whispered right next to him:

  
_"Wakey, wakey. We've finally got time for some detailed nookie!"_

  
Bucky groggily lifted one eyelid and looked at the alarm clock.

  
7 o'clock on a Sunday morning? Was nookie _really_ necessary at this particular moment?

  
Sure, it'd been almost six months since he'd taken the cashier job and if his and his husband's schedules had been in conflict when the former hadn't been working...

  
Now that they both had jobs, it was an outright war on when and where they could even spend even more than ten minutes with each other.

  
And if their sex life had taken a hit before, now it was almost on its deathbed, the both of them always too tired to do anything besides maybe the occasional hand-jobs and maybe even, if they were lucky to get an additional five minutes, some quick sixty-nine action just to get their motors rolling for the rest of the day.

  
Bucky tiredly swatted at his husband's caressing hand. "Not right now, too early. Maybe tomorrow or next week or next month or...I don't know." he said with a yawn, turning his whole body away from the other man and shutting his tired eyes once more.

  
That left Steve sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to hide his disappointment by saying. "Oh, okay. Well then, it won't bother you if I go get some brunch with my mother later on today, right?" he said...

 

At the now snoring form of his husband.

  
With a sigh, Steve got up, went to the bathroom,

  
And then went on to take a very _long_ , very _cold_ and very _cathartic_ shower.

  
**********************

  
"I just don't get it, mom. I mean, I know I've been working long shifts since I started the hospital job and pretty much all of them during the night, but even then we've always had the ability to get some quality time with one another.

Now that he's got this job, it's like we've been living on two different planets and every time we even try to get something together... there's always an emergency somewhere, one of us is always too worn out to do anything and I feel more and more like I'm sleeping next to just an acquaintance and not my husband and I...I just don't know what to do." Steve admitted later on that day, slumping his shoulders and hanging his head low, looking defeated as hell.

  
Sarah Rogers smiled as she patted her son on the knee. "Oh, come on now! Don't be like that. I'm sure there's a way to get everything sorted out. Tell me, do you still love him?"

  
Steve raised his head and nodded vehemently: "Of course I do."

  
"And do you want things to work out between the two of you?" she asked.

  
"I just told you that I did!" responded Steve.

  
"... _but_?" added Sarah.

  
"...but if I cut my schedule at the hospital or even start to say no to all of the the shifts that I'm being constantly being presented with, how the hell is the money going to come it and pay everything? You know that a coffee-shop cashier and a supposedly-part-time doctor's combined salaries won't really help pay all the bills we have to go through each and every month." explained Steve, still as stubborn as ever when it came to his priorities in life.

  
Sarah could only shake her head. She was about to give her dear son a good tongue lashing about how one's personal happiness was way more important than even a one hundred bill and how she'd noticed he'd been on the rachitic side of things lately, when...

  
_When..._

  
Dear lord, since when did everything inside her living-room start to turn so damn quickly?

  
And just like that, she collapsed.

  
"... _Mom?_ " was all Steve could whisper, his face awash with fear.

  
***************

  
Bucky got into the hospital as fast as he could.

  
Steve was sitting in the waiting room, staring into nothing, his face blank, his eyes emotionless.

  
"So?" he heaved out, sitting on the chair next to his husband.

  
Steve, in a distant voice, only replied: "A brain tumor. They said she's got a brain tumor. And that's it's way too deep to for them to dig out. They also said she's only got about a year left to live."

  
Bucky, even though he and his husband had grown a little bit distant lately with their crazy working hours and everything, tried to be the supportive husband as he gently placed a hand on top the taller man's shoulder as he whispered sympathetically: "Oh, god, Steve, I'm so sorr-"...

  
But Steve didn't let him finish his sentence, as he abruptly stood up and said, still not looking at the other man: "What do you need to be sorry for? I'm okay! I'm a doctor, I see people sick, hurt and even dying everyday! And some of them come in way worse condition than she is right now! There's no need to worry about me!"

  
He barked out a slight laugh and seemed to wipe something out of his eye as he added:

  
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a mother that I need to see and you've still got a coffeehouse shift that's left to finish. Somebody's got to bring in the dough while the other's not doing it!"

  
And with that, Steve pushed the door that lead to his mother's room...

  
Leaving Bucky, now the one staring blankly into nothing, softly whispering to himself:

  
"He's okay, there's nothing to be worried about. He's okay, I'm okay..."

  
He bit his bottom lip for just a second...

  
_"We're okay."_


	8. The pudding pop rings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things arrives too quickly in your life, sometimes it can ruin things even when you don't know that it began to do so.

They entered city hall hand-in-hand, the morning after college graduation.

  
They really hadn't that big of a time to prepare, all of this being decided on a whim the night before on the afterglow of a glorious night of sex and the euphoria of finally finishing school, so their wedding bands, at least for now, were simple metal ring that they each took off the cover of pudding pops that they both found in the nearby vendor machine.

  
And as for wedding vows, they didn't need to write any, because they'd each known what they'd say to one another if a day like this ever happened for quite a long time, even when they hadn't consciously known just how deep their love for one another had been running inside their veins.

  
They stood there facing one another, hands linked, tears shining in both sets of eyes.

  
Bucky took a deep breath and started:

  
"I've always been afraid of what the future held for me, which is why I guess I never really thought about it, but even if the most scariest thing is standing right in front of me right now, there's a way that I know how to defeat it: I'll let the stream of life lead me wherever its wants me to be and I'll take everything one moment at a time.

  
And why do trust that stream, you ask? Because if it has already lead me to you, the best damn thing in my entire Universe and the one person that I know I will love for the rest of my days, then it must be going in the right direction."

  
Steve wetly smiled as he tightened his grip to his minutes-away-to-be-husband and with a gentle voice, replied with:

  
"I know that sometimes I may be going a bit overboard with all these grand plans for the future I always have in the back of my brain, but you have to know one simple thing: in the middle of all these plans, there's one that's always been my main goal in life: to share the best kind of future that I possibly can with you.

  
You're the source of my faith in life, my certainty in my destiny and all of the positive feelings that my heart could ever contain. And even if all these plans of mine, however big or small they might be, would fall over just a second from now, I want you to know that my love for you is never going to fall over, no matter what happens."

  
And Bucky's fond expression got only fonder at those sweet, sweet words and then pounced on top of his love and the couple began to make out right there and then, both too consumed by their love for one another for one another to hear the magistrate monologue to herself:

  
_"Well, since you just jumped ahead of me in the proceedings, I guess I don't need to mention that you're now unified for life and that you may now kiss, or should I say the way I see it right now pretty much devour, your husband. Hey...hey! No clothes discarding inside a room of law!"_

  
The jiggling of keys into the front lock was almost as loud as the giggling coming from the outside.

  
_"Steve, if you even try to do what I think you're going to try to do, I swear..."_

  
"Come on now..."

  
_"Steve..."_

  
"Up..."

  
_"Steve..."_

  
"We..."

  
_"Steve!"_

  
"Go!"

  
_"Eeep!"_

  
And Bucky could only hang on when his husband, in an attempt at being romantic on the first evening at their brand new house, no...

  
Their brand new _home_ ,

  
Picked the long-haired man by his shoulders and the back of his legs, hoisted him up to carry over the threshold...

  
Only to fall on his unmade shoelace and right on his ass, Bucky now sitting comfortingly on top of him...

  
And also giggling uncontrollably.

  
"Oh, ha ha, hahaha!" exclaimed Steve in a sarcastic tone, rubbing his now-hurt behind and displaying a pout on his now-frowny face.

  
"Well, well, how about I make it up to you by helping you christen every single space this amazing gift of yours has to offer? After all, I read that the key to a good marriage is to be adventurous with our sex life, and we can easily accomplish that now, can we?" proposed Bucky, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

  
"Oh, you just read my mind." Steve replied, his frowny face now completely gone and, with the agility of a panther,

maneuvered the both of them so that he was the one that was sitting on top of Bucky.

  
"Now, dear husband of mine, how about we begin at our doorstep and we work our way onwards?" the blond man whispered seductively, grinding his growing erection into Bucky's already hard one.

  
The man in question smirked as he grabbed his new husband's tie in his hands and was about to commence said step christening, when:

  
_***Ring Ring*** _

  
Steve's cellphone suddenly ruined his and Bucky's wedding night.

  
As suddenly, Steve wasn't in a randy mood anymore, but a celebratory one, as...

  
"I got the job! I'm going to be a doctor at the hospital starting tomorrow evening!"

  
And he suddenly got up, making his way to their brand new bedroom as he called out:

  
"Hey, we can christen the house later! We need to get some sleep because tomorrow is a busy, busy day!"

  
Ad all the while leaving Bucky laying on the doorsteps, literately high and dry.

  
The long-haired man sat up, blinking in confusion at what had just happened.

  
And sighed.

  
Maybe getting married at the last minute like that hadn't been that great of an idea after all. 


	9. The photocamera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How they finally got together.

"You're kidding me?" asked Steve one morning behind the school wall, during their second year of college.

  
Bucky shook his head and smiled: "Nope, I gotta take a what my teacher so fondly called _"self-portrait"_ using an old camera. And, since you're the only one that I know that still has one of these laying around and is awesome at taking pictures with it..."

  
Steve scratched the back of his neck, feeling a little bit blushy. "Oh, come on, you know my knack is in the medical field, not in the arts and crafts stuff." he said, looking shyly down at the ground.

  
But Bucky didn't relent. He slowly walked over to where Steve was standing and with a hand, slowly raised his best friend's chin back up and fondly said:

  
"Hey, I know you're great at helping people and I'm so proud of you to know what you want to do with your life, unlike me. But that doesn't mean that you don't have any other talents, Steve. I've seen your high-school portfolio and my god, you're really got an eye to see the beauty and the life in everything. In there _and_ in the medical field."

  
Steve slowly smiled and asked: "Really?"

  
Bucky nodded.

  
"Yeah, well, I for one think that no matter what you end up picking, you're going to be a pro at it, because you're a natural at everything that you put your hands on."

  
And now it was Bucky's turn to smile shyly and ask: "Really?"

  
And then it was Steve's turn to nod and lay a warm hand on Bucky's warm cheek.

  
And they both stayed there....

  
Both staring at one another...

  
Both slightly leaning in...

  
Until the school bell rung, suddenly interrupting the short moment they'd just shared.

  
They both leapt away from one another, as if shocked by lightning.

  
Steve quickly put his books back in his school bag. "Hey, so, at your place tonight for the camera thing?"

  
"Oh yeah, totally." Bucky replied, coughing and turning his head away, trying to desperately hide his own blush (and the growing tent inside his pants).

  
He'd been pretty good at hiding his long-time crush so far, he didn't want to ruin everything between the two of them, especially since he just knew that Steve couldn't possibly feel the same way about him.

  
But, as he stared at his best friend's retreating form, he thought about the previous couple of minutes, and...

  
Maybe Steve _did_ in fact feel the same?

  
******************

  
"Buck! I'm here! And I've got my stuff!" Steve called out as he opened up the window to his best friend's bedroom and jumped over the sill.

  
_"Just a minute, I'm getting changed! Prepare everything and I'll be right out!"_ he heard Bucky call out from the upstairs bathroom.

  
Steve shook his head as he sat his photograph bag down on his best friend's computer chair. He took a look around the place:  
So many games,

  
No wonder Buck didn't know yet what he wanted to do as a profession, since he had all of these to go through.  
If he was that good with computers, maybe he could....

  
The clicking of a door interrupted his thoughts...

  
And made him swallow thickly as he was standing face-to-to-face with his best friend of always...

  
Wearing nothing but a red bathrobe.

  
Bucky blinked at him. "What? Oh don't start being prude on me, alright? I'm wearing boxers, okay?" He crossed his arms as he added: "So, are we doing this or what?"

  
And Steve shook his head as tried to think of the unsexiest things possible to diminish his now rapidly growing interest, took out his old photo camera, and said with a determined face:

  
"Oh yeah, let's do this thing."

  
****************

  
_Click, click,_ the camera went.

  
And _swoosh, swoosh,_ Bucky's bathrobe went as he tried different poses and states of slight undress.

  
And _thump, thump,_ Steve's heart went faster and faster, as he took picture after picture of his best friend, who...

  
Who...

  
Was the hottest man he'd ever had the chance to see:

  
Long, brownish hair that looked like the softest thing in the entire universe,

  
A slight stubble covering parts of his cheeks,

  
Grey, stormy eyes that reflected a world that Steve was dying to jump into,

  
A perfectly sculpted body, like it'd been made by the greatest artists that ever lived,

  
Steve was absolutely mesmerized...

  
And terrifyingly confused.

  
Since when...

  
Since when...

  
... since _when_ had Bucky Barnes been _this_ gorgeous?

  
Steve's face slowly turned into a realizing smile as he lowered the camera down.

  
Bucky Barnes had _always_ been a gorgeous man, inside and out.

  
His mind had just come late to the realizing party that his heart had been a part of for a very long time.

  
Bucky frowned when he noticed that he wasn't hearing the sound of Steve's camera anymore.

  
"Hey, what's going on? You're outta film or something? Should I-?"

  
Having his back turned to the other man, he didn't notice Steve putting the camera on top of his computer desk, didn't hear his steps on the wooden floor approaching his form...

  
But he did feel the trembling hand onto the back of his neck, slowly making its way up his soft, long hair.

  
"...Steve? Are you okay?" was all he could ask, closing his eyes as he felt the fingers that had been part of many, many dirty fantasies for the better part of two years.

  
"Yeah, I'm alright. In fact, I've never been better." was what he heard the other man whisper, and, as he whipped his head around to look at the other man,

  
And stared deep as his heated glare,

  
He smiled as he replied back:

  
"Me too."

  
And their lips finally connected.

  
And arms wrapped around bodies,

  
And a shirt went up,

  
And a red bathrobe went down,

  
And underwears slipped out,

  
And two bodies landed on a bed,

  
And...

  
_"I've never done this with anybody before."_  
_"Me neither."_

  
And...

  
_"Oh, god, Steve..."_  
_"Yeah, fuck, Bucky..."_

  
And finally, after everything was set and done, as the two of them were laying there, wrapped in one another:

  
_"I love you."_  
_"I love you too."_

  
**************************

  
If they'd have the chance redo things, Bucky and Steve would tell you that they'd dated for maybe two to three years, move in together during that time to see how well they'd truly fit together.

Then, maybe another year down the line, they'd gotten engaged, then another year from that they'd gotten married, and _then_ maybe another four or five years after experiencing cohabitation, two steady jobs and a married life, they'd maybe thought of having a kid together.

  
But, as it is with young love, nothing of that happened. They were too infatuated in one another and too swept away with their passion to truly think everything through.

  
And this was how, only five months into their relationship, on the night of their graduation and after Steve's call to _"go outside for a cigarette"_ , which had quickly become their mutual sign for some heavy-duty making out...

  
A silver key was dangled in front of Bucky's eyes as they were busy doing so just outside the bar, where their after-party was being held.

  
"What's this?" he curiously asked, observing the shiny object that was now residing inside his hands.

  
"A key...to our brand new house." Steve proudly answered.

  
"You...you got us a house?" Bucky shockingly whispered.

  
Steve nodded: "Well, my mom helped me a bit. And it's a small thing, but it's a start."

  
"How in the world are we going to afford it? I mean, we _just_ graduated and..." Bucky started.

  
But Steve silenced the other man with a a gentle kiss on the lips. "If things go the way I hope they go, soon you're going to be looking at a brand new doctor working at the hospital right down to where we're going to be living. And if it doesn't, my mom promised to help us out while I apply for other stuff." he gently said.

  
"But, I..." Bucky questioned.

  
"I know you didn't specialized in anything, but my salary will get us both going, at least for a little bit, while you search for a job of your own." Steve replied, caressing his lover's cheek.

  
Bucky smiled as he leaned into the touch and, as he opened his eyes, tears suddenly appearing in them, he was the one that shocked Steve now when he whispered:

  
"Marry me."

  
"What?" Steve blinked.

  
"Yeah, just...I don't care how or when we do it. I just... I wanna marry the hell out of you." Bucky began to stammer.

  
"Tomorrow. Let's do it tomorrow." Steve interrupted the other man by saying.

  
"Really?" Bucky squeaked out.

  
"Yeah, really." Steve answered, taking his one-night fiancé into his arms and spun his around and around, while the other man laughed and laughed.

  
And if the two of them had some glorious outdoor back-alley sex right there and some fantastic indoor bedroom sex right then,

  
Well, who could really blame them?


	10. The roll of white tape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A best buddy turns into a *hot* best buddy, at least in Bucky's mind.

Buky Barnes sighed to himself as he heard the noises coming from just outside the building.

  
He turned the corner and silently shook his head.

  
His best buddy since the time they'd both been in diapers, one Steve Rogers, was at it again.

  
Defending a poor crying girl, who'd seemed to have gotten one of her twin ponytails pulled,

  
And getting his ass beaten,

  
**_Again._ **

  
_Why did the thin, often sickly blond boy do this all the time when he knew he'd get knocked down until next Tuesday?_   Bucky asked himself as he took one of the bullies that was busy punching his downed friend by the back of his pants and delivered a swift knock himself, right in the family jewels.

  
_And why did every time this happened, did he always helped his best friend without a word of retort?_ , he also asked himself, grabbing the other bully by the front of his shirt and making blood dripping down his shirt from a swift punch right on he nose.

  
Stepping over to his fallen friend and looking at his black-and-blue and now one-tooth missing face, who still smiled despite having his ass being handed back to him _once again_ , and slurring out:

  
_"I had them on the ropes."_

  
Bucky already knew the answer as he offered Steve his hand and his help to the nurse's office.

  
It was because he was Steve's best friends and best friends looked out for one another.

  
But, sometimes bullies did end up fighting back and Bucky would sometimes find himself with his own share of black eyes and bloody mouths.

  
And so, he decided to buy his best buddy of the whole world the best Christmas gift he could think of:

  
"A roll of white tape?" exclaimed Steve, absolutely confused at the package he'd just opened.

  
"Yep." Bucky responded with a smile.

  
"'The hell I'm supposed to do with a roll of white tape? Put stuff on my wall? 'Cause I've got enough of invisible ones to satisfy that particular need, thank you very much." responded the blond eighteen year-old.

  
The brunet nineteen year-old ruffled his best friend's spiky hair as he explained: "Of course it's not, you big dummy! This bad boy is to put on your wrists for when you go for some kickboxing lessons! And, since we're going to finally be going at the same school once again starting next semester, guess who's going to be your jabbing partner?" Bucky responded and then pointed at himself.

  
And Steve could only roll his eyes as he threw the roll at his best friend's head, but still said with a small smile:

  
"Thanks, you jerk."

  
And Bucky replied with the same kind of grin:

  
"You're welcome, you punk."

  
********************

  
It was about six months later that they ended up having their very first lesson at the school gym and Bucky was tapping his foot, staring at his watch.

  
_Where the hell was Steve?_

  
The gym was closing in over an hour, they were going to miss some essential ball-sack time.

  
He was about to send his best friend a text message...again, when the man he'd been waiting for finally made his entrance...

  
...and what an entrance it was.

  
His blond and brownish hair was sticking out in all sorts of sexy ways, (Since when had Steve began getting hair highlights?)

  
Water was rippling down his naked chest, (Since when had Steve developed a six-pack?)

  
He was half-walking, half-jugging to where Bucky had been standing for the last half-hour or so. (Since when had Steve's pants began to fit so tightly against his legs?)

And the more Bucky thought about, the more he realized:

He'd always felt something more than friendship for Steve, even when he hadn't realized it.

And it had always been more than his physique that the other man had been attracted to:

His courage, his generosity, his intelligence, his sense of humor, among a _lot_ of other things.

But, Bucky thought to himself, that seemingly new physique of his certainly was a plus,

A big, **big** , **_big_** plus.

  
And so, he could only stand there, mesmerized by the Adonis he'd just seen enter the gym...

  
And the Adonis could stand there, looking as confused as ever, waving a hand over his best friend's far-away looking and maybe even, a little bit drooling?) face.

"Hello...Buck? Earth to Bucky!" Steve called out and it was only when he felt a slight shove against his shoulder that the man in question was finally brought out of his dirty, _dirty_ thoughts.

"Oh, uhm, sorry. What?" asked the long-haired man.

"What exactly happened just now? I came in and you seemed to be drifting into la-la-land." replied Steve, taking the white tape out if his gym bag and beginning to meticulously roll it around his palms and fingers.

"Oh, nothing, it was nothing, really." the other boy responded, but still, he had to know. "You know, since when have you...you know..."developed" like that?" he asked, biting the corner of his cheek to try and not stare at his best friend's now bending waist.

Turning around after putting the white tape back in his back, Steve seemed to blush as he said: "Well, I sorta been doing some working out of my own. Running, swimming, that kind of stuff. Just to get some muscles going so I didn't look like a total dweeb when we had to do this. I hope it's okay?" he asked, scratching the back of his neck.

"Oh, no, it's fine. Believe me, totally fine!" Bucky responded a slight chuckle coming out of his lips.

Steve made a face: "What exactly do you mean, by that?"

"Nothing! Nothing! Just that it's great that you've been motivated to get some exercise, that's all." Quick, time to change the subject. "So....ball-sack time?"

Steve's eyes squinted suspiciously for a second or two and then...

"Yeah, ball-sack time."

Bucky heaved a sigh of internal relief...

_Awkwardness averted._


	11. The pacifier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it all began.

James Buchanan Barnes had only been two years old and Steve Grant Rogers had only been six months behind him when it came to age, when they first met. It was a cheery, sunny Sunday afternoon on a bench at a New York Park.

  
Their mothers had been best friends themselves since around middle school, so of course...

  
"Oh my goodness, Sarah, your boy is growing up so fast!" Winifred Barnes couldn't help but notice when she saw the baby bouncing around in his stroller.

  
The woman in question was beaming at her own beautiful son. "I know, he's already starting to say some words. Can you believe it?" she said with a warm smile.

  
And this was just the right time for Steve's pacifier to suddenly drop out of his mouth and, well...

  
"Waaahhh!" cried out the poor boy, tears rapidly streaming down his chubby face.

  
Sarah was just about to lean her body onto the ground to retrieve the object in question, when...

  
"Dorpd." said the fumbling, brown haired boy, as he was somehow faster than the woman and dropped the pacifier into Sarah's hands.

  
"Aww, why James Buchanan Barnes, that's very nice of you!" cooed the woman, rapidly cleaning it against her dress and handing it back to the little man. "In fact, why don't you go over there and give the pacifier to Steve yourself?" she added, giving the toddler a little push on the back.

  
The slightly walking boy toothily smiled as he handed the crying baby his pacifier. "Her'." he said.

  
The boy in question suddenly stopped his wailing, blinked at the other baby in front of him and his newly-found pacifier.

  
And beamfully smiled his own two-teeth smile.

  
"Buck!" he happily squealed, before putting his pacifier inside his mouth once more and clapping his hands together.

  
The women sitting on the bench were about to say something, when the brown-haired boy smiled even wider and clapped his own hands together as he called out: "'Teve!"

  
The two women looked at the two happy boys.

  
"Aw, would you look at that? Steve's made his first buddy!" Sarah couldn't help but comment.

  
"Yes and James has made his very first friend." responded Winifred. With a slight smile, she added: "Or should I say, "Buck" has made his very first friend."

  
And what friends they became.


	12. The end of the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get their happy ending...beginning...ending that belongs at the beginning or beginning of their ending...
> 
> Well, the most important part is the happy one.

Sarah Barnes-Rogers was twenty years old when she discovered it.

  
An old black chest, sitting at the back of the garage, right next to where her dad's old motorcycle was being kept intact.

  
She'd been busy doing some yard work, along with her parents, during the second week of her college summer vacation, when she'd noticed that she'd forgotten the hedge trimmers. Wiping some sweat from her forehead, she quickly ventured into the dark, but quiet place and was about to get the tool in question when her vision bounced around and fell on this particular object.

  
_Strange_ , she'd thought to herself. _I've been here countless times before and I never saw this thing lying around._

  
She was about to get out and ask her dads about it, when she heard the door of the garage and a familiar shuffle of two sets of feet enter the place.

  
"What's taking so long, dearie?" catapulted Steve into the warm July air.

Bucky smiled next to him as he added his own:

"Yeah, taking out hedge trimmers isn't supposed to last almost ten minutes. You get in, you grab the thing and then you...get...oh."

  
The couple received their explanation when they noticed that the large steel box that they'd moved from their bedroom just the other week was now open and their daughter was kneeling in front of the thing, her eyes wide in curiosity and her hands full of what would other folks would consider banal objects, but for Steve and Bucky, represented the world:

  
An old and used leather jacket,

  
A set of keys,

  
A rattle,

  
A couple of medical gloves,

  
An old photocamera,

  
Two rusty pudding pops rings,

  
A roll of white tape,

  
A very old looking pacifier,

  
And the most shocking of all:

  
A copy of what looked like...

  
_Divorce papers._

  
Sarah, her eyes wide, turned her head towards the two men she thought she knew the best in the whole world.

  
"What's all this?" was all that she could ask.

  
And the pair, golden and silver rings rightfully shining on their fingers, sat right next to their lovely daughter and by the large box that contained their constant reminder, their warning sign of what could happen if they took life and most of all, one another, for granted.

  
And they began to tell their story, right from the top.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, that's it! I did this story to challenge myself a little bit when it came to writing, as I wanted to do something a little bit different. Thanks to everyone who comments, kudosed and bookmarked this story, it really does warm my heart. :)

**Author's Note:**

> So, what do you think? Give me your impressions, it'll really help me out. Thanks! :D


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